Life with Chronic Conditions: Coping with Loneliness During the Holidays

Loneliness crosses all strata of society but particularly impacts those affected by chronic conditions. The holidays can add to these feelings, particularly if you don’t have plans for Christmas or New Year’s or if you’ve experienced a significant loss (e.g. decline in health, death of a loved one, loss of a job, best friend moved away, family in crisis, breakup etc.).

My first Christmas alone, was a complete disaster. I learned from that experience that preparation can go a long way in creating a positive experience over a negative one. So whether it’s a first or one of many, below are strategies to help reduce holiday loneliness.

• Ban the myths: While it is important to savor the good stuff as it helps to manage stress, the challenges of daily life and ultimately aids us in being more resilient, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holidays, no matter what your mother, friends or Great Aunt Tessie says. Do what makes sense to you.

• Make a plan in advance for how you’ll spend Christmas, New Year’s or whatever is that special day you’ll miss the most. Don’t wing it. While it may not be a “special day,” you can make it an intentional one. Keep in mind that if it’s Christmas, many places are closed so be sure to stock up on what you’ll need that day.  Some things you might enjoy:

-       Waking up to peace and quiet, knowing the whole day is about you and not being on anyone’s schedule.

-       Have breakfast, lunch, dinner in bed, in front of the TV, standing at a kitchen counter or where ever you’ll most enjoy it.

-       Binge watch favorite TV shows, movies, specials etc.

-       Take a long shower or hot soak

-       Wear pajamas all day

-       Decorate or don’t decorate

-       Skype friends and family

-       Lay aside special foods and treats for the day

-       Save all presents you receive and open them first thing in the morning

-       Save a book that you know you’ll like as a treat for the day

-       Take a walk, preferably in nature

-       Attend a church service if that brings you comfort

-       Try a workout video on-line

-       Listen to music-doesn’t have to be holiday music, dance

-       Make food that you like. Maybe a dish from childhood that you haven’t had in years.

-       Create new memories

-       Start a new project

-       Listen to favorite pod casts

-       Be grateful for what you have

• Recognize loneliness is a feeling not a fact. Don’t over think it just recognize it’s how you are feeling.

• Volunteer: There are many groups that can use an extra set of hands for a wide variety of tasks. Helping others makes us feel better.

• Reach Out and invite others to participate in your holiday.

• Join a group. It doesn’t have to be condition related but being part of a group can help reduce loneliness. Recognize it may take some time to find the right one. AA and AlAnon recommend that everyone try six different groups to find one that suits you best.