While I love the cooler weather, the shorter periods of daylight I can do without. It’s taken me a while to realize that if I get out every day and walk, even if it’s just for 15 minutes, I feel much better and have a bit more enthusiasm for the changing seasons.
It’s not all pumpkins and lattes for many as we move into fall. Seasonal Affective disorder (SAD), a type of depression that's related to changes in seasons, is very real, particularly the type that starts in the fall and continues through the winter. If SAD is an issue for you, check out the Mayo Clinic’s website. Light boxes do help with SAD. Check out the Q and A on light therapy for SAD.
This particular fall, the sadness seems more than usual. Part of it is another Covid winter lies ahead. While we’re much better off than in 2020, it’s the continual reminders from the media, along with friends and family getting Covid, sometimes for the 2nd time, that makes it all seem relentless.
Add to that the Queen of England’s passing. While anticipated at some point, it feels to many very sudden. On Tuesday, she’s installing the new prime minister and less than 48 hours later she’s gone.
While some don’t care and others are hoping that this spells the end of the monarchy, many are sharing similar feelings to my friend and neighbor, who is now an American citizen. He posted, It may be difficult for many of my American friends and relatives to understand the sadness I am experiencing based on the death of the Queen. I find myself tearing up as I listen to news reports of her death. Her coronation was the first thing I remember in my life and first thing I saw on television. My mother used to dress me based on what Prince Charles was wearing, even though he is a few years older than me. She has been a constant symbol of stability and pride in England for me through wars, political turmoil, pandemics and controversy. She will be a tough act to follow for both King Charles III and William. God bless the Queen and long live the King.
He is not alone in his feelings of sadness. Even those who don’t care one way or the other about the Queen, the constant media coverage of people openly grieving can have an impact. Given that 9/11 is just a few days away, it seems more poignant as the Queen ended her condolences to the American people after that event with the message, “Grief is the price we pay for love.”
To have a better understanding of what people are experiencing, I looked to see what George Bonanno had to say. He’s my go to guy when it comes to grief and loss, as he is professor of clinical psychology and head of the Loss, Trauma, and Emotion Lab at the Teachers College, Columbia University.
“Our experience of grief, goes beyond the loss of someone we love. It's when we lose something that's key to our identity… There are going to be people for whom this will be a real loss of something important to their identity. In England, the monarchy is, to some people, a crucial sense of their country, nationalism, all those things. The queen was, for many in England and beyond, a stabilizing presence. People may feel it's the end of era, or the end of a certain way that the world works, I think a lot of what people value in the monarchy seems to be this kind of stability and comportment, this old world order — even though a lot of it is fictitious. And Charles [King Charles III] is next. And he doesn't carry the same cachet as Elizabeth. So people may see it as the end of that kind of distinguished, orderly, predictable world.”
Keep in mind that there are many who are not fans of the British monarchy and the role they’ve played in history. In March, Prince William and Kate’s Caribbean trip in honor of the Queen’s 70th year on the throne, was short circuited by protests, calls for reparations and canceled stops. With each passing day, more appears on this topic, and with it a lot of anger. With all of my ancestors coming from Ireland, I understand it. Yet, there is a time and a place, and I for one say honor the 10 day morning period, and avoid jumping on the social media bandwagon. Sometimes it’s good just to let things be for a bit.
If you are feeling sadness with the Queen’s passing, and it’s adding to the fall blahs, don’t chide yourself. You feel how you feel and that's okay. While the passing reminded my friend of his childhood, for others the suddenness, the reactions of others, or some other aspect or her passing can trigger emotions you weren’t expecting. Again, it's okay.
It can be helpful to watch the memorial services. As Bonanno notes, Through sharing the experience of a funeral or a memorial service — whether it's the funeral of a loved one or a beloved public figure — "we feel connected to all those other people who are mourning. We're telling each other that we all cared about this person, we're still here and we have each other." However, spending hours upon hours watching TV or trolling the Internet for the latest news, is not healthy.
Being outside, visiting a friend, going for a walk, or trying one of the many “take a breaks,” at the Take a Break Pinterest Board can help. Bonanno, in his book The Other Side of Sadness, recommends laughter as an anecdote for grieving. So with that in mind, the lighter side of Queen Elizabeth.
The Queen and Paddington Bear answers the question of what she carries in her purse.
And who can forget her entrance at the 2012 Olympics.
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