Not interested in today’s activities, try the Take a Break Pinterest Board.
In a December 2020 interview he commented , “The crisis “has already been going on for a long time; we’ve been adapting,” an assessment consistent with his prior groundbreaking research showing that about two-thirds of people generally cope well with adverse events. “It doesn’t mean that people breeze through, but for most of us, it is within our ability to endure.”
Since different strategies work for different people at different time, to design a “resiliency” training program according to Bonanno could be useless and potential harmful. His approach is “teaching people how to actively deal with stressors, so they can take advantage of whatever resources, whatever traits, whatever strengths they have. If they’re flexible, they can learn how to use those in a way that fits the particular situation. The flexibility idea is that you figure out what’s the best thing to do right here in this moment.”
This week I happened to catch the documentary of Dr. Edith Eger, a holocaust survivor who became a psychologist and though she is in her 90s, continues to work and is the author of The Gift: 12 Lessons to Save Your Life and The Choice: Embrace the Possible. She studied under the famous psychiatrist, holocaust survivor and author of “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Dr. Viktor Frankel.
There is a lot to be learned about thriving, surviving and resiliency from those who have endured prolonged tortuous situations, such as Auschwitz (Frankel and Eger), the Gulag (Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, prison (Nelson Mandella) and written about it. Interestingly, Dr. Bonanno’s work definitely supports what these survivors/thrivers learned.
Below are a variety of strategies that you can either add, or be reminded of, for your “toolbox” so that you have the “right tool for the job” as we continue to slog our way through the pandemic. Following are resources for further reading and understanding
• We’re wired for resiliency: We’re descendants of survivors not victims and we will get through this just fine. We’re capable
• Live in the Present, Remember the Past: Don’t be a prisoner to your past. There isn’t anything you can do to change it.
• Though the external environment is unchangeable you can change how you react and feel about it. Solzhenitsyn’s experience of being in the forced labor camps helped him formulate the idea that true freedom is possible even in the most restrictive human situations. He wrote in From Under the Rubble, “We are creatures born with inner freedom of will, freedom of choice-the most part of freedom is a gift to us at birth. External, or social freedom is very desirable for the sake of undistorted growth, but it is no more than a condition, a medium, and to regard it as the object of our existence is nonsense. We can firmly assert our freedom even in external conditions of unfreedom.”
• Let go of what’s not in your control, instead but your time and energy into things you can influence.
• Remain optimistic while being realistic.
• Be open to new ideas and ways of doing things
• Treat yourself with love and respect. Often we treat family and friends better than we do ourselves. Now more than ever is it time for self-compassion. It’s very dangerous to put your whole life into someone else’s hands. You are the only one you’re going to have for a lifetime. All other relationships will end. So how can you be the best loving, unconditional, no-nonsense caregiver to yourself? Edith Eger
• Suffering is universal. But victimhood is optional. Releasing ourselves from victimhood also means releasing others from the roles we’ve assigned them. When we choose to respond to what’s happened by moving forward and discovering our freedom to, we release ourselves from the prison of victimhood. Edith Eger
• Sometimes the feelings we run from
aren’t the uncomfortable or painful ones. Sometimes we avoid the good feelings.
This is how we release
ourselves from the prison of avoidance—we let the feelings come. We let them
move through us. And then we let them go. Edith Eger
• Look for the gift: Years ago, a grief/loss counselor commented that there was gift in everything and while it may be the hardest gift you’ve ever been given, it’s still gift. In the case of Covid, there will be many gifts to society when this is all said and done. The technology of the mRNA vaccines is going to find effective treatments, cures and even vaccines for diseases we never thought possible. Many who are in desperate need of affordable broadband is one of the top priorities for upgrades in infrastructure at the state and national level.
• It doesn’t matter what others think about you. That’s their problem. What matters is how you think about yourself.
• How you interrupt an event will determine how you cope with it. The more stressful an event feels to you, try to reconfigure it so you have a perspective that is less stressful.
• Ignore the media’s constant banter that “you’re stressed.” How presumptive of them! They don’t get to tell you how you feel. You aren’t doing it wrong if you or aren’t stressed.
Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.” Viktor Frankel
“Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.” Viktor Frankl
• Try a Stress buster
- Escape with a walk, good book, movie, take a yoga break, cuddle with a pet, call a friend, garden, try a new recipe-you don’t have to think about it all the time
- Journal: Writing often helps clarify what the real issue might be. You can learn a lot by writing about it.
- Practice gratitude: In Solzhenitsyn’s One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich which describes a day in the life of one prisoner in a gulag, as the book ends, he lays in his bunk and counts off all the good things that happened that day. Surprisingly, there were many.
- Take a nap and make sure you get enough sleep
- Laugh. Bonanno’s research suggests that finding humor in dark moments facilitates healthier outcomes by providing a reprieve from constant gloom.
- Take a Break: Wednesday’s are “take a break” days on this blog. For over 400 ways to do this, check out Take a Break Pinterest Board
- Breathe
• Be your own feedback: As you try different things, pay attention to how you feel. Try different coping mechanism. Is it still working? Zoom felt like a great connector at the beginning of the pandemic and lock down. We’re now in a different phase of the pandemic and the last thing I want to do is Zoom. Taking a walk with a friend, social distancing and wearing a mask three days a. week is a lot more useful to me now than zooming.
• Ask for Help: Lots of free emotional and well being programs have been set up to help people by local health departments, hospitals etc. Check your state’s health department website for emotional support programs in your area. Look under the Covid-19 section. Sometimes the hardest way to show up for ourselves is to ask for help. Edith Eger
Further Reading
Inside the “Virtual” Psychologist’s Studio With George Bonanno
Stress and Resilience in the Pandemic and Beyond
I Danced for the Angel of Death: The Dr. Edith Eva Eger Story
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
The mummified remains of the pharaohs and other royals were transported in climate-controlled cases loaded onto trucks decorated with wings and pharaonic design for the hour-long journey from their previous home in the older, Egyptian Museum.
The vehicles were designed to appear like the ancient boats used to carry deceased pharaohs to their tombs.
Many Egyptians
enjoyed the parade as a break from the pandemic, while. others worried that the
mummy migration has brought bad luck. They point to a fatal train wreck in
central Egypt, a building collapse in Cairo, and the bizarre blockage of the
Suez Canal as being connected to “the mummies curse.” "Death will come on
quick wings for those who disturb the king's peace," the warning on the
Tutankhamun tomb read before it was opened in 1922. Read more at The Curse of King Tut’s Tomb
Below are three versions with the first one being the live stream of the events.
Not interested in today’s activities, try the Take a Break Pinterest Board.
I worked with a woman who’d rush into the health center, and regardless of whether patients were in the room or not, she’d start detailing the latest drama and conflict in her life, to no one in particular, as she was stowing her coat and lunch. An incredibly gifted nurse, the entire day was filled with stories about her family and why everything functioned at crisis level, whether it deserved it or not. By the end of the day, the staff was worn out.
“Crisis junkies,” and “drama queens.” There are people that seem to seek out crisis and aren’t happy unless they have something to worry about.
No matter who you are, crisis will rear its head. However, a continued state of drama and crisis is not a normal part of life. It’s incredibly draining and it’s an unhealthy way to live.
The brain on
drama is like lots of other addictions, it releases endorphins and pleasure
inducing dopamine. Initially it feels good, but like other drugs, you need more
and more to get the same positive validation. Secrets of Anger Addiction and 3 Reasons Why Rage Feels Real Damn Good
There are a variety of reasons why “conflama” is a normal state for some people.
• Growing up in a chaotic household they continue to seek out what feels like “normal.” Serenity is an unknown.
• It’s a way to numb feelings, deep down pain, shame etc.” If I’m in a crisis I don’t have to think about my health.”
• It’s a way of avoiding things you don’t want to do.
• A distraction from their own life
• A sense of importance
• Need for attention
Conflama characteristics can include:
• Love to gossip
• Need to be the center of attention and hate it when not
• Constantly late
• Always fighting with someone-A misunderstanding or tiny problem can escalate quickly and what should have been a minute conversation becomes a war. Before long yelling and screaming become the way to make a point.
• Overshare on social media
• Doesn’t recognize when a conflict is beyond their scope of responsibility
• Continually threaten to end relationships-relationships are rarely smooth
• Likes to stir the pot
• Doesn’t trust peaceful states as being the norm and will sabotage it.
• Find conflict where it doesn’t exist
• Stuck in the past. Instead of moving on, ruminate about what was and how it could have been different. Holding grudges and unable to forgive is part of this.
• It’s always someone’s else’s fault
If drama is playing a role in your life that you can live without, consider the following:
Be a Changer Not a Complainer: When something happens, instead of complaining about it take steps to resolve it. Recognize if it’s truly your problem-are you responsible for its occurrence or its solution? Is your reaction based on the facts or an emotional response? If it’s a problem you need to respond to, identify it in such a way that it allows you to find a solution. Explore different solutions to the problem and select the one that’s the best course of action. Implement it and evaluate outcomes. If this feels like a difficult task try writing about it, or talk about it with trusted friend or even members of a support group. Be clear that the goal is a solution not just an opportunity to gripe. If identifying and resolving problems and conflicts is very challenging consider Cognitive Behavior Therapy. The more you can identify what’s a real problem that deserves a solution, as well as having a good set of problem solving tools, the less drama you have to contend with
You can’t control events but you can control how you interpret them. If you feel you are continually surrounded by negative situations, try changing your perspective. Examine who you spend time with. Do they support positive thinking or are they a heavy dose of Debbie Downer?
Less gossip and more minding your own business: The less you get involved in someone else’s drama the better for all.
Channel your energy in more creative pursuits: Engaging your mind, hands and body in a creative outlet can create such an incredibly peaceful state. Research shows that creative activities contributes to a surge of positive emotions and well-being. It’s why every Wednesday is “take-a-break” day on this blog. There are well over 400 ways to do this on the Take a Break Pinterest Board
Unplug: Between cell phones and the barrage of social media, including texting and messaging, we’re all more prone to drama. Significantly limit social media checking. If you are particularly drama prone, turn off your phone and do something completely different, such as take a walk, read a book, take a nap, or soak in a tub.
Live in the
present: “Let us not
look back in anger, nor ahead in fear, but around in awareness,” is one of my
favorite quotes by James Thurber. How to Live in the Present Moment: 35 Exercises and Tools (+ Quotes)
If you opt for a table décor, just look around your neighborhood and yard for the odd twig or even branch that when put together in a vase, pot, Mason jar or a sap bucket (it's a Vermont thing) will give you enough space to hang objects from it. Apple branches are ideal for this as they are gnarled in such a way there are lots of places to hang objects. Check the ground as the March winds will often leave an assortment of downed twigs and branches.. Also if you or a neighbor is doing spring pruning, use them before they end up on the compost pile or in the wood chipper.
You can leave the “tree” as is or paint it. Suggest leaving it natural or stripping the bark in order to compost it.
Now for the decorations. If you are hanging items on an outside tree, you want heavier objects that won’t be blown away or wrecked by weather. Felt actually works well. I made a series of felt hearts, stuffed with Polyfill. They’ve been hanging outside throughout a Vermont winter and look as good as the day I put them out. If you want to use plastic Easter eggs, fill them with pebbles to give them some weight, otherwise you’ll have them flying around the neighborhood
Paskris: This is a Swedish Eater tree that is made with paper feathers that are easy to
make.
Jelly Beans: Use a glue gun and attach to the various branches. Make sure your tree is firmly potted before you begin.
Easter
decorations: Check your local dollar store and thrift store for various items
that can be easily hung. Check toy cupboards for the odd bits of toys that can be spruced up with pastel paints and hung with ribbon.
Not interested in today’s activities, try the Take a Break Pinterest Board.
This is more concerning to me as a friend, with a serious chronic condition, contracted Covid. He and his family were very careful because of his underlying condition and have no idea how he got it. Sadly, it led to his death. By any measure, he should have been among the first vaccinated but it wasn’t available for him in the state where he lived.
Another friend, who has fought off many bouts of cancer, just posted that she is highly allergic to several ingredients in the vaccines and can’t take them. She begged everyone to please vaccinate to help protect her and others in similar situations.
With states “opening up,” new variants of Covid starting to spread, increasing cases in the US and in other countries, and the constant barrage of inaccurate information, it’s important to review the facts so that people can reduce their risk of being the “weakest link,” in their community.
• You are considered fully vaccinated-2 weeks after you’ve received the second Pfizer or Moderna shot; two weeks after the one shot Johnson and Johnson vaccine.
• If you’ve been fully vaccinated, you can gather indoors with fully vaccinated people without wearing a mask. You can also gather indoors with unvaccinated people from one other household (for example, visiting with relatives who all live together) without masks, unless any of those people or anyone they live with has an increased risk for severe illness from Covid. If you’ve been around someone who has COVID-19, you do not need to stay away from others or get tested unless you have symptoms. However, if you live in a group setting (like a correctional or detention facility or group home) and are around someone who has COVID-19, you should still stay away from others for 14 days and get tested, even if you don’t have symptoms. (CDC)
• All of the approved vaccines (Pfizer, Moderna and Johnson & Johnson) help in reaching “herd immunity.” Herd immunity happens when enough people become immune to a disease to make its spread unlikely. It’s usually achieved through vaccination, but it can also occur through natural infection. It is not clear what percentage of the population will need to be vaccinated against Covid, but it appears to be much higher than the 60-70% than first reported. The more easily transmissible a disease is, the higher the vaccination rate required. For a disease like measles, which is very easily transmitted, a vaccination rate of 95% is needed in order to reach herd immunity. Some researchers now think Covid will be an endemic disease, much like flu, and instead of talking about reaching “herd immunity,” are talking about a return to normalcy.
• COVID-19 vaccines are effective at preventing COVID-19 disease, especially severe illness and death. Each vaccine has some differences. Johnson & Johnson is one shot, while the other two require two doses-Pfizer, 21 days a part; Moderna 28 days apart. To learn more about the different vaccines read Comparing the COVID-19 Vaccines: How Are They Different? From Yale Medicine This article also includes information on the next two vaccines up for approval in the US.
Note that few places provide a choice in vaccine type though only Pfizer is for those 16+, while the other two are for 18+ up.
• The best vaccine is the one you can get right now: Since all three vaccines prevent illness and death, unless you have a specific issue, such as being 16 or 17, time is of essence so take whatever is offered to you.
• Even though you may be vaccinated or had Covid you still need to wear a mask, practice social distancing. Here’s why:
- How effective the vaccines are against variants is still being tested. Early data show the vaccines may work against some variants but could be less effective against others. Unfortunately, the longer the virus circulates the more variants occur. Right now the following variants are frequently discussed UK; California; Brazil; South African and New York. Preliminary research indicates that the current vaccines are able to prevent hospitalizations and deaths even though overall protection against symptomatic COVID-19 is lowered.
-
The
vaccine doesn’t guarantee complete immunity. While Moderna and Pfizer have efficiencies around 95% and
Johnson & Johnson is at 76%. While the J&J vaccine appears much lower, note that it was the only one of the vaccines where the clinical trials were dealing with variants, such as the South African strain.
- It’s not clear how long these vaccines will be effective.
- There are still a lot of unknowns. It’s unclear whether or not people who receive the COVID-19 vaccine have the ability to spread the virus to others, even if they don’t become sick themselves. Researchers are now studying whether the vaccines prevent asymptomatic transmission of the virus.
To avoid being the “weakest link” practice safer six:
1. Vaccinate when it’s your turn
2. Mask-Cover nose and mouth; Double mask if possible
3. Social distance-6 feet at least
4. Wash hands frequently with soap & water, or hand sanitizer
5. Avoid unnecessary travel
6. Test if you have symptoms, have traveled out of state, or been in contact with someone who has tested positive.
I’ve always been fascinated watching people paint. It mesmerizes and relaxes me. There is something magical about watching a painting unfold. If I have trouble sleeping, it’s a definite go to.
Bob Ross maybe
the first name that might come to mind, as his Joy of Painting became wildly
popular. All of the episodes are online at Ross’s You Tube channel.
Another painter I like watching is the water colorist Peter Huntoon
Here’s a demonstration of knife painting.
If you are interested in the techniques of how these paintings are done, there are definitely some similarities. Found myself experimenting with putting water on paper and then adding water color paints and it was a totally different effect than paint on dry paper.
Not interested in today’s activities, try the Take a Break Pinterest Board.
