Recently, my youngest was injured and requiring multiple surgical events on his foot. He’s basically homebound but fortunately can work from there. His brother, they’re roommates, is chauffer, shopper, cheer leader etc. commented this past week, when I asked how things were going, “it would be nice if he said please and thank you.” To which his brother replied, “I need you to do so much I’d be saying it all the time.”
Yesterday I spoke to my eldest and asked if things were improving. He again repeated that a “please” and “thank you” would make it a lot easier. When I asked if he had mentioned this to his brother, he said that anytime he does, the immediate response is, “If I could do this myself I would.”
As with most things, there is a back story. My youngest, who has a chronic condition to begin with, hates feeling dependent on anyone, let alone his older brother, so I’m not surprised he’s omitting P & T.
I’m also aware that as a kid, my oldest considered “please” as meaning the task at hand was optional. If I said “Please pick up your toys now,” it was unlikely to happen. Yet if I said, “Pick up your toys now,” I had a much better response. So my own use of the word “please” became significantly reduced. I had a colleague who’d periodically say, “Yes Missy,” when I’d ask him to do something. That was a good reminder that what worked with my kids wasn’t appropriate in other situations.
Showing respect and appreciation for those who provide support and care is important. They need the reminder. A heart felt “thank you” goes a long way in expressing gratitude. Whether you are the person being cared for, or the family/friend of someone who is in care, take a few seconds to express gratitude to the caregiver. It lets them know that you notice and appreciate what they’re doing.
Saying “please,” at the most basic level, shows respect and consideration for the effort another person puts forth to help you. There’s a reason that people being asked to do something will say, “What’s the magic word?” in order to get the asker to say “please.” Using this one simple word connotes a sense of appreciation.
Keep in mind that how you say these words matters. I had a friend who use to say “Paaaaleeease,” which certainly had the opposite effect of showing respect and appreciation. In short, be mindful of how you use words and recognize whether it sounds like you really mean it.
Ultimately, building better and stronger relationships, to say nothing of meeting needs, can resolve around just saying “please” and “thank you.”
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