Sexuality and Chronic Disease

As administrator on call for a large University hospital, I met a woman in her late 60’s who was dying. Her husband was quite upset about the care she was receiving, which is why I was called. When the husband left the room, She told me that he had just brought her favorite perfume. She then shyly said, “it makes me feel sexy.”

It was one of those “ah-ha” moments, as I realized that we are sexual beings from the “womb to the tomb.” I was to learn this lesson over and over again in the years that I worked with people with HIV/AIDS. Sexuality became more important for many as it was the most “alive” thing they could do. Others used sex as a way to deaden the pain from so much loss. As one person noted, “the only thing strong enough to make the humans forget that they die is sex.”

In the video Sex and Chronic Disease-Can Women Still Feel Sexy, Dr. Brotto, Assist. Professor, Dept. of Obstetrics & Gynecology, UBC discusses why women may be more sexual after learning of a life threatening condition.

All people are sexual and therefore deserve a sexuality that is safe and pleasurable to them, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, disability or ethnicity. What may be needed more than anything else is a new way to discuss sex, which promotes not only healthy behaviors, but a better understanding of what sex is and how it fits within one’s life.

Keep in mind that sex happens between the ears not the legs. People are entitled to define what they mean by sex and to develop a relationship with it that is appropriate for them.

While the usual recommendation is to “talk to your doctor” about various health related issues, this is one area where I find medical providers to be less than well equipped to answer questions. Certainly discuss any medical concerns relating to your sexuality, but for the “how tos” below are a list of resources to help you find some of your answers.

Sexuality and Disability from Disability Resources

Moss Rehab Sexuality and Disability Internet Resources

Disability and Illness from Sexual Health.com

Tantric Sex-A Different Perspective: Instead of rushing toward a climax, a Tantric practitioner slows down, remaining in the moment, and travels toward deep relaxation. In the medical model, sexual energy builds, then is lost. In Tantra, energy is not lost but gained. Instead of using a partner for one_s own gratification, Tantric partners provide vital energy to each other.

Good Vibrations Magazine’s Archives for Sex and Disability: Note that Good Vibrations is an extremely sex positive company that carries very reliable products.

Sexuality for the Woman with Cancer from the American Cancer Society

Sexuality for the Man with Cancer from the American Cancer Society