Building a Social Network

One of the most important pieces of advice I’ve been given was about relationships. A psychologist told me that they are like a pail of water that has a leek in it. People drop out of our lives for one reason or another-move away, change jobs, no longer have common interests, ill health, don’t get along, divorce, death etc. If we want to keep the pail full, we have to work at keeping people in our lives and adding new ones to replace those that leave.

There have been a host of studies that show one of the most important keys to well being, as well as longevity, is having a good social network. Family and friends can be in your life in all sorts of ways. They can be friends and family that you see only in certain situations, such as the yearly New Year’s Eve party or family events. There are others that are part of your day-to-day life-co-workers, neighbors, spouse/partner etc. Then there are those people that no matter what happens, or when the last time you saw them, you know you can count on them.

Aging, our health, marital/partnership status, kids/no kids, all impact how we maintain our social network. In our busy lives, when and how often do we assess our network of friendships/relationships? Does having a chronic illness increase our opportunities or decrease them?

Below are a series of questions followed by resources to help you turn negative answers into positive ones.

• Do you attend a support group of any type? Whether it’s AA, Al-A-Non, church group or condition specific group (e.g. cancer support group) being part of a support group can help on multiple levels. Places to find a support group include: local newspaper; clinic or doctor’s office where you receive care; condition specific organizations; asking friends and family; your place of worship; or local library. Find friends and places that can support you emotionally, and where it is safe to talk about your health issues. For more resources

• Are you involved in helping others by volunteering? If not, there are a large number of ways to become involved. If you are 55 or older, one call to your local R.S.V.P. chapter can keep you very busy. Look in the paper. Ask friends about their volunteering efforts. Keep in mind that organizations count on volunteers, so be sure to do what you say you’ll do.

• When was the last time you went through your address book and connected with friends and family? This could be a simple e-mail, phone call or letter.

• How often do you organize a social activity? This can include: a party; meeting friends for dinner a walk or hike, having a friend over for tea etc.

• How often do you attend events that you are invited too? Keep in mind, the more times you don’t go, the fewer the invitations you will receive in the future.

• How much time do you spend around other people? If you find it’s very little, consider activities that interest you and find out what types of organizations or groups that you can participate in. Such activities could be a reading, birding or a hiking group; cooking, art or craft classes; campaign for a candidate that you like. Participating in activities where everyone has a common interest increases the odds you will find people you want to connect with.

• Do you use internet social networking tools, such as Facebook, message boards etc? There is a growing level of social networking happening thanks to the internet. A month ago, a close friend of my husband’s died. Since this individual, was known and loved by many, a Facebook page was established so people could connect, remember and grieve. It was the most wonderful piece of social networking I’ve witnessed in years. Not only was it an interactive way for people to mourn their loss together, all of the entries, videos, photos etc. are being downloaded and made available in digital format for this individual’s family.

Up until this point, I would occasionally look at my Facebook page, but hadn’t invested a lot of time in it. Because of this experience, I have been following my Facebook page, as well as making entries. I’ve added a lot of friends that I haven’t talked to in years. Yes, there are issues with this technology, so be very careful. Don’t look to this form of social connection for your health information. There are people that join these sites just so they can promote a treatment or make money off of someone’s illness. Also, don’t limit your social connections to the internet.

To the question of whether having a chronic condition increases or decreases chances for social interactions, it depends on the person. Many people are clear that receiving their diagnosis was the best thing that happened to them, since it gave them a social outlet they were lacking. However, people do withdraw from you because they can’t deal with the idea of someone being sick. When it comes down to it, relationships are critical to our well-being, and therefore it is important that we continually work at keeping a balance of them in our lives.