Living as if we might die tomorrow: Does it work?

Attending Catholic School, the nuns would say things like, “When you go to bed tonight, pretend it’s your coffin,” or “How would you change your life if you new you’d die tomorrow?” The right answer was to change nothing as you were living the perfect Catholic life.

Last week a friend Facebooked an article, “Top 5 Regrets of The Dying,” whose author had worked for many years in palliative care. Having witnessed many people closing out their lives, I would agree with this author’s selection: live a life true to myself and not others expectations; not work so hard; the courage to express feelings; staying in touch with friends; let your self be happier.

Since my colleague and friend Kathy, she’s the other half of Chronic Conditions Information Network, and I have often discussed aspects of this, I forwarded the article to her with the following note, Saw this article today and it certainly reflects what I've seen. So the question in my mind is can we really live like we're about to die in the next few weeks for years on end? While I try to practice happiness and recognize the critical need of friends and community, and to really nurture those that I love, there are some very practical issues-like making a living-that aren't necessarily there for those that are about to exit. Puzzling thoughts.

Her reply was spot on, and probably the best response I’ve read to the adage “Live as if you die tomorrow.” You ask a very good question, and the answer is no, we can't. The last few weeks or months of one's life allows one to have those kinds of reflections and take the liberty of acting on them, since there is literally no time left to put it off. I think that all the messages in that article are valid and worthy of acting on in small ways, but you can't do it full time.

I speak from experience. Because of all the deaths and losses in my family, we were raised to live every day to its fullest, give to and love the other as if it were his or her last day on earth, and to be grateful simply to be alive. They are good concepts, noble messages, and engender a kind of fullness of experience that I appreciate having had.

There is, however, a dark side to it that can be very destructive and hard to lighten. The energy that sustains that approach to living is fueled by a strong current of anxiety, fear of loss, and pessimism about the future. There is little room for attending to the relative minutia of getting along in the real world and taking care of one's own needs. In the face of impending death, career planning and goal setting for one's own future seems trite. In fact, everything that is not life or death seems trite. It is a huge burden to assume.

Kathy’s last paragraph was an “I get it” moment. It helped me understand some of my own negative thoughts and actions. Instead of dwelling on the fact that we all come with an expiration date, and I could be gone tomorrow, a healthier approach is living a mindful life where one is present for it.

It is interesting that in the past few months I have though about life expectancy from the vantage point that I’m not financially prepared for old age. That’s been an eye opener for me to realize that I do need to be a lot more mindful of how I earn a living.

Thanks Kathy for your insightful words. Even though Kathy is a nurse by training, she is an amazing artist. Check out her website Fraglets and scroll through her “ Where in the World are Fraglets” section as her art hangs in some pretty amazing places, like MOMA in San Francisco, the Louvre in Paris and anywhere there is a scrap of metal.