This week I learned that a good friend has what appears to be a terminal illness, or so I fear.
My initial reaction was to “do something,” but they are thousands of miles away, surrounded by family and friends, at an excellent medical facility. Can’t bring a meal, babysit or provide some other chore service. Praying just doesn’t seem enough.
My friend is a calm and centered soul. I can hear them saying “but there is nothing you have to do but take care of your family, your friends, our friends, community and most importantly yourself.”
At a time when I fear so much the loss of a friend, I’m reminded that the best thing I can do is invest in love and my daily relationships. More than ever, “taking care of my corner of the world” seems very important. How to do that? Try L.I.F.E.
Listen to what they are saying and telling you
Invest your time. That means make time to be with friends and family, as well as investing in your community by volunteering, serving on committees and boards etc. And of course, invest in yourself.
Friendships as well as family and co-workers are important so nurture them
Every day show appreciation to those you love and care about. Need suggestions beyond thank you and a hug, check out 97 Ways to Show Appreciation to Those You Care About
Practically, I know better than most that my friend and their family are going to take a major financial hit. While establishing a Go Fund Me page is probably a good idea, since I’m not there and can’t talk to the immediate family, that feels like an over reach. Some people are very uncomfortable with crowd sourcing. However, I have gently suggested to my friends’ adult child that they may want to consider a Go Fund Me site, or list the types of gift cards they could use (gas, eateries etc.) which can be set up via the organizational website they are using.
An aside: Websites like Lotsa Helping Hands and Caring Bridge are life savers. These are a great way to keep everyone in the loop while minimizing e-mails, texts, visitors, calls you need to respond to. It’s also an important way to coordinate help, support and other services. The one suggestion I have for families is to include a co-administrator of the site that, while close to the situation, is not a family member. It’s a bit easier for someone other than the person themselves or immediate family to ask for various things that are needed.
But back to the financial piece. Families and patients can react in a number of different ways about expenses, as well as the costs accrued by those having to travel, stay in hotels etc. Some people just put it on the back burner, and it’s all about the immediate medical crisis, while others are obsessed about it to the point they are literally making themselves sick. Recently, I was taking care of another friend who was in an accident. They’d waffle back and forth between worrying about finances and then trying to assure themselves and others they weren’t thinking about it. Yeah!
If you are in a position to help with finances, it’s going to make a big difference in the long run. Check out, In Lieu of Flowers: Financial Help Please!
Previous posts that address aspects of being supportive:
How to Help Those Who Are Injured, Ill, Grieving or in Need of Comfort
When You’re Responsible for Someone Who has been Injured or Diagnosed
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