When a life altering
event-such as an injury, illness or death-happens, finances are often not the
first thing family and friends are concerned about. Yet, it is during this time
that the right type of support and guidance can significantly impact future
financial viability.
Decision
makers-spouses, adult children and persons designated for this purpose-are
under incredible stress, vulnerable and are being asked to make choices that
have life-long consequences. Having someone that can help make affordable funeral
arrangements, write an obituary that lists a fund that has been set up to help
the family versus donating to an organization, or decide whether to do a costly
procedure on someone who is very ill can make all the difference.
Consider the
following:
• Ask questions sooner than later, of a family member or someone who is close
to decision makers. If a person has died, do they have sufficient funds to
cover the arrangements without going into debt? If it’s a life altering injury
or illness, do they have insurance to
cover medical bills? What about how they will be able to support themselves?
Kids?
Keep in mind that if
you are concerned but don’t think you are the right person to bring this up to
the family, ask someone who you think may be more appropriate. Some religious
leaders have training in this area. If that’s a possibility, be sure to let
them know of your availability to help with fundraising.
• Who’s in Charge? It’s better to have one or two people
working directly with the family and interfacing with those engaged in raising
funds. Because needs can be so different for families, it’s reasonable to think
of one person being responsible for setting a scholarship program for kids and
managing it, while another person deals with day-to-day expenses.
People will want to
help so the quicker you can assign tasks the better. Creating a Lotsa Helping Hands website is free, and allows you to fund raise along with having people
register to do things, e.g. make meals, that will be helpful.
• Compassionate
Crowd Funding and other Options: There are any number of sites,
like GoFundMe, that are used to raise funds for a family. These are easy to establish
and aren’t subject to the same rules that apply to setting up a fund say
through a bank. The down side of this method is that whatever website you use
will take a portion of the money raised. The plus side is that it’s easier for
someone to donate money on-line versus writing a check and mailing it to a
bank. Check out How to Raise Money for a Family in Need to assist in setting up
a successful crowd funding site.
Learn more about Crowd funding and the best sites to
use at Crowdsunite.
While “Crowd funding” has its purpose, you may want to
consider these options as well:
• Donate directly to the individual or to a bank
account that has been legitimately set up in their name.
• Give gift certificates for goods and services that
are needed.
• Help to organize a fundraiser for a specific
need, such as a scholarship fund
• Pace your giving. While there is immediate
need, for a major loss, such as a fire, death or significant illness, the needs
extend well beyond the initial burst of activity of a week to 10 days.
• Give of yourself. While money is certainly
needed in many of these situations, there are a number of practical details,
such as childcare, cleaning, lawn care, rides etc. that need tending to.
• Set up a scholarship fund for
surviving child(ren):
Whether a parent dies, or is diagnosed with a significant chronic condition
that is going to impact earning potential, setting up a scholarship fund can
not only provide for the child’s future education but it gives considerable
peace of mind to the family. Don’t make assumptions about the other parent’s
ability to provide for future college needs as things change and the younger
the child is, the more opportunities can occur that make finances more
difficult.
There are many
different ways to set up scholarship funds and laws very by state so the best
recommendation is to start by calling your local bank and discussing it with
them. They will have dealt with this request before and can be of considerable
help.
There are scholarship
crowding funding sites, such as Gradsave, that may be right for your situation since it allows people to donate similar
to how one uses a gift registry.
Whatever system you
choose to use, scholarship funds are something that people will continue to
donate to provided you do the following:
- * Keep
donors informed about how the child is doing, particularly how funds are being
used. When children are old enough, it is important for them to be responsible
for “thank you” notes and providing updates.
** Remind donors
of the fund around specific dates, such as birthdays, important anniversaries,
graduations etc. This is a good time to give an update as well.
-
* * Those
that may not be able to contribute money may have the time to help organize a
fundraiser and/or be the one responsible for keeping social media site up to
date, staying connected and thanking donors.
• Be a Financial Advocate: Understanding benefits, eligibility,
workmen’s comp, social security, health insurance and what a person maybe
eligible for is confusing even in the best of times, so someone’s life altering
illness, or spouse’s death, just makes it even more challenging. You can assist
them by:
- * Learning
as much as you can about their benefit options.
-
* * Go with
them to appointments and take notes. Be sure to keep track of dates of visits,
what’s been discussed, who you spoke to, follow up instructions etc.
-
* Encourage
them to think about choices and not make rash and/or emotional decisions.
-
* When it
comes to making funeral arrangements, discuss a budget before meeting with a
funeral director.
* This is a good time to discuss how a scholarship fund and/or
other type of financial support be designated and listed in the obituary versus
flowers or another organization.
-
* Encourage
them to meet with a financial planner
• Be the Voice of Reason: Guilt and shame are common in those dealing
with financial issues as well as those with a chronic/severe illness and
survivors. Many will want to continue to try and provide the same lifestyle for
their family that was possible before the life-altering event. This is often
not realistic and many can make themselves sick in the effort to try and do so.
Gentle reminders and support can help, particularly when you let them know that
what they are able to do is good and making a difference.
While it can sound
trite, a door closing (such as a serious illness) can make it possible for a
window to open to possibilities no one ever dreamed of. As I’ve written in this
blog before, in the years that follow a major event, many people comment about how it changed the course of their life
for the better. While not something to say in the middle of a crisis, it’s a
good reminder to sustain yourself when helping those most in need.
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