For years I have watched people take the negative option time and again. No matter what you tell them, or how positive you sound, they will find a way to make it dreadful and somehow they become the “victim” yet again. A doctor can give them very positive news and they will immediately find a negative in it. A new drug regiment is working well, and they sabotage it so they become sick again. It’s as if they are unable to accept success in their life.
Do they need to return to a state of feeling bad physically and emotionally because that’s what they’ve known in the past and for them the future is totally predicted by the past? There is also the possibility that they have survived the past feeling bad and, since their emphasis is on surviving not thriving, they immediately seek what they see as a safe approach.
The March 22, 2010 New York Times has an interesting article about this topic “Sabotaging Success, but to What End? So what explains those men and women who repeatedly pursue a path that leads to pain and disappointment? Perhaps there is a hidden psychological reward.
I got a glimpse of it once from another patient, a woman in her early 60s who complained about her ungrateful children and neglectful friends. As she spoke, it was clear she felt that all the major figures in her life had done her wrong. In fact, her status as an injured party afforded her a psychological advantage: she felt morally superior to everyone she felt had mistreated her. This was a role she had no intention of giving up.
As she left my office, she smiled and said, “I don’t expect that you’ll be able to help me.” She was already setting up her next failure: her treatment.
You can download the article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/23/health/23mind.html?ref=health&pagewanted=print
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