Triumphant Survivors

Our local PBS channel is running a program called “Living Through Personal Crisis” with Ann Kaiser Stearns, a professor of psychology who specializes in understanding resiliency. I watched part of it, and found it interesting. Her focus is trying to understand why some people experience incredible crisis-death of a child, life threatening illness, loss of a job etc. and come through full engaged in living. She explains that only a third of those who experience such devastation become “triumphant survivors.” Below are the traits she has found to be common in these individuals.

TRAITS OF TRIUMPHANT SURVIVORS
People who go beyond brokenness, overcoming tragedies and hurts, do some things differently in a grief and healing or transition process. Triumphant Survivors think and behave in ways that lead to recovery. So can you.
• You can establish positive memories, loving moments shared with others.
• You can search relentlessly for answers and find whatever help is needed from friends, family, experts, helping professionals, your church or synagogue, books, healing activities, or support groups.
• You can develop survival strategies such as dealing with pain in small segments.
• You can make an early decision to go forward and actively reinvest in living.
• You can learn to live with the past by getting whatever help is needed to face life squarely and to live in the truth.
• You can remind yourself that prior to recovery it is necessary to deal first and fully with the pain and that your healing process may take longer than you and most others expect.
• You can fight off and resist feelings of helplessness by deciding not to remain passive and powerless, engaging in active learning or decisive action when the time seems right.
• You can leave encumbrances behind—old resentments, grievances, axes to grind, remembered injustices—the harbored memories that grow increasingly heavy. You can decide not to waste your life by permanently losing yourself in sorrow, defeat, anger, fear or guilt.
• You can decide that you want to learn and grow.
• You can look for inspirational role models.
• You can associate with and learn from people who have the ability to laugh, enjoy, and see humor.
• You can make a firm decision that you want things to work out well, want to recover, want to build a new life for yourself.
• You can consciously decide to be in the company of life-giving, positive-thinking, hopeful, nurturant, kind, and understanding people.
• You can decide that meaninglessness is intolerable and set out to make sense of things and construct a meaning for your life.
• You can reach out to help others while you yourself are still hurting.
• You can accept the best life within reach.
• You can do the best that you can.
• You can go forward, knowing the sorrows and hardships you've had to come through—but looking ahead far more than looking back.