Recently, a friend, who has been living for many years with a chronic disease that can flare at any time in just about any part of the body., has been having repeated flares, reactions to medications and various issues relating to getting older. Listing theways the disease has manifested itself -skin outbreaks, lesions in the brain, eye problems, bone loss etc., my friend exclaimed, “I am not my body! Who and what I am has nothing to do with my disease.”
While I have heard other people say something similar, it was how they spoke of their body’s willy nilly approach to laying dormant for long stretches-“maybe it tired itself out for awhile”- that struck a chord.
According to mindfulness psychologist and Harvard Professor Ellen Langer, “When you think you have a chronic illness, that’s translated as uncontrollable. Now if something can’t be controlled you don’t bother trying to control it. It’s almost never the case that the person has symptoms all the time. Well what’s happening when you don’t have the symptoms and to what can I attribute this change? The simple act of examining the situation is good for your health.”
When I asked when they felt the best in the past several years, the response was immediate-“when I eat regularly and healthy and when I get exercise.” Further questioning revealed they were taking medication. In fact they posed the question, “could it be the drugs or daily habits” that resulted in feeling better?
We also discussed stress. “I’m not a stressful person,” yet they described situations- changes in key personnel at work, budgets being cut etc-where you would not be human if you weren’t experiencing some anxiety.
With some examination and discussion, it became clear that the flares weren’t necessarily random events. Eating healthy, exercising, medications and reducing stress as much as possible all contributed to a much better sense of well being.
After I began working on this post, I received the weekly e-mail from “Speaking of Faith,” which provided information about this Sunday’s interview. It is with Rachel Naomi Remen, a physician who has been living with a debilitating illness most of her life. According to the host of the show, Krista Tibbets, Remen is not a religious figure per se, rather a kind of quiet modern-day mystic. Her wisdom is somewhat countercultural. Living well, she says, is not about eradicating our losses, wounds, and weaknesses. It is about understanding how they continually complete our identity and equip us to help others. As a doctor, she's seen time and again how even deep pathologies and failures become the source of unsuspected strengths. She believes that however difficult our lives become or how fraught our choices, most of us never lose our capacity to be whole human beings. We may forget that potential in ourselves, yet it can reappear full-blown in times of crisis. The hope that her stories engender is itself a healing experience.
This rang so true for my friend, who is incredibly generous with their time and talents. Life is much richer because of this person.
The “I’m not my body” comment, also reminded me of the Introduction to the handout Healing the Whole Person
great things can be achieved by connecting with your inner self, identity, soul, spirit or whatever form you choose to call the core of who you are versus what you appear to be.
One of the “gifts” of chronic illness and aging is that we do learn that appearance isn’t who or what we are. Yet, the responses and choices we make as we heal and accept who we are, versus what we aren’t, create our inner and most important self.
It is key to know that while body image doesn’t define us, we must listen to what our body is telling us. Understanding who you are and connecting with your inner core does not negate body awareness.
Take a break tomorrow and listen to the Rachel Naomi Remen’s interview. You can either download it, or find out the times it will be broadcast in your areat the NPR website.
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