If you have a
spouse, friend, family member, student or colleague who has a serious mental
illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar, major depression, personality disorder,
PTSD etc. your life has been impacted to one degree or another. If you’re
asking, “what can I do?” read on.
While stigma and
misinformation is attached to disease in general, mental illness represents a
whole different class of stigmatization with those affected being shunned,
blamed, shamed and worse. It’s often kept secret, and when people do know,
they’re unsure how to respond and/or are secretly, or not so secretively,
judgmental, believing that the person is having such problems because they
“brought it on themselves.”
Many people,
including health professionals, have limited information about how to help
those whose lives are being impacted by mental illness. However, thanks to the
Internet, Apps and social media, the isolation is being significantly reduced.
In addition, research is identifying causes as well as effective treatments. In
fact, just this past week a major breakthrough was announced in schizophrenia- Scientists open the ‘black box’ of schizophrenia with dramatic genetic
discovery.
Two caveats to this
post: This blog is written for those dealing with any type of chronic condition
so checking out other post is recommended, such as Healing the Whole Person: Ways to Increase Well Being, which is equally
helpful for those living with a chronic condition and those affected by one. The
Wednesday “take a breaks,” are designed to help distress, relax and provide a
respite from the worry that can accompany a chronic condition. Use the Take a Break Pinterest board for over 200 ways to do so.
Periodically I find
it helpful to remind readers, this is information to consider, recognizing that
there is no “one way” that works for all situations.
UNDERSTANDING MENTAL ILLNESS
In general, serious mental illness has
nothing to do with something you or someone else did or didn’t do. It’s not
because of a “personal weakness” or “lack of character.” As with other conditions, mental illness
can occur due to a combination of factors such as genetics, environmental
stressors, biochemical imbalances etc. For example, the majority of combat
veterans do not develop PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), but among those
that do, there are multiple risk factor such as younger age, combat situation,
family history of substance abuse, childhood physical abuse etc. That noted,
there are those vets with all the “risk” factors who don’t develop it and
others with none that do. Those who develop PTSD are not lesser soldiers, people
or vets because of it. In some ways it really is the luck of the draw.
Addiction is often
an indicator of mental illness. Self-medication with alcohol, marijuana and
other drugs is more common than many realize, and when the root issues are
dealt with, addiction issues can be more effectively treated. This is a bit of
a “chicken and egg situation”-did the person become addicted as a result of an
underlying mental illness or did the addiction create the problem? Whatever the
case, if a person has a dual diagnosis of mental illness and addiction, they
need to be in a program that addresses both.
The good news is
that with proper treatment, many people can learn to deal with their condition
and lead full and productive lives.
Learn about the various types of mental
illnesses and treatments:
KNOW YOUR ROLE
If you are a caregiver or significant other (e.g. parent, spouse,
sibling) of a person with severe mental illness your role and responsibilities
differ than someone who may be a teacher, work colleague or friend. Check out Talk About Mental Health from MentalHealth.Gov, which provides specifics for parents and caregivers, friends and
family, educators etc.
Check out other ways to help
BE AN ADVOCATE/KEEP A HEALTH NOTEBOOK
While it can be very
obvious that something is wrong, getting the right diagnosis is important in
helping the person finding a treatment regiment that will work for them. Unlike
cancers and other diseases, where blood markers and changes in cells indicate a
diagnosis, it’s not always that straightforward to correctly diagnosis a mental
illness. In fact, you may see multiple providers before you find one that can
adequately address the issues. You can help by being a strong advocate. Learn
more: Health Advocate-Who, What, When and Where
Keep a health
notebook. The health care system is a maze that’s hard to navigate in the best
of circumstances and yet information from visits, hospitalizations, treatment
failures as well as successes all need to be readily available to see that
someone receives appropriate care. The best way to make this happen is by using
a health notebook and keeping it updated. Learn more: Managing Health Information: Yours/Theirs
IDENTIFY RESOURCES
Compile a directory
of resources in your community. The easiest way to identify them is to “Google”
the name of your town, city or state + mental health resources. Check out
National Association of State Mental Health Program Directories for links to
all federal and state mental health programs. States and larger municipalities will have
already compiled on line and in print resource lists. You can also call 211 and
ask for resources. If the person is a veteran, be sure to contact the local,
state and national chapters of Vet organizations, such as the VFW. Don’t
overlook community based organizations, such as churches, schools and civic
groups, which can be sources of help.
You will want to
know about the following at the very least:
• Treatment
facilities, including inpatient/outpatient, crises centers, addiction, rehab
etc.
• Crises and
suicide hotline
• Poison Control
Hotline
• Nearest hospitals
and which ones have programs that could be of help
• Temporary and long
term housing for those with mental illness/addiction
• Therapeutic
Communities-Residential treatment programs with a variety of transitional options
for people with mental illness/addiction
• Drop in centers
• Disability Rights
groups
• Centers for
Independent Living
• Legal Aid
• Self help mutual
aid groups
• Prescription
assistance programs
• Support
groups (see more about them below)
• Organizations that
may be relevant to your situation, such as veterans programs
Keep this
information in a binder or in a special file on your computer/tablet. When you
contact various programs, write down names, dates and other relevant
information so that you have a record of which you’ve called, when and outcomes.
HELP NOT ENABLE
Compassion and
caring are important, yet each situation is unique and solutions vary. Fear, guilt
and hope are big motivators for helping/enabling- “What if,” “If only,” or “It won’t
happen again.”
It’s important to understand the difference
and realize there is a fine line between the two. Helping is assisting the
person when they are truly unable to do so. Enabling is doing something when
they can or should be doing it. Enabling can be very detrimental to both you
and the person you want to help. To have a better sense of whether your interactions
are helping or enabling answer the following questions:
• Do you often
ignore, rationalize or excuse their unacceptable or irrational behavior?
• Do you find
yourself resenting the responsibilities you take on?
• Do you
consistently put their needs and desires aside of yours? Are you worrying so much
that it consumes all your time?
• Do you have
trouble expressing your own emotions?
• Do you feel you
have been manipulated?
• Do you ever feel fearful that not doing
something will cause a blow-up, make the person leave you, or even result in
violence, including suicide?
• Do you do
anything to keep the peace?
• Do you ever lie to
cover their mistakes or to avoid embarrassment?
• Do you
consistently assign blame for problems to other people rather than the one who
is really responsible?
• Do you continue to
offer help when it is never appreciated or acknowledged?
• Do you blame
yourself for their behavior/addictions?
If you find that you
are answering “yes” to more than one of these questions, even if you list a
number of qualifiers to your answer, then you need help in dealing with the situation.
DON’T GO IT ALONE
Regardless of how it
may feel at times, you are not alone. The anger, fear, frustration, anxiety and
despair you may feel are not uncommon. For a multitude of reasons it’s
important to connect with others in similar situations. This is not only a good
sounding board, but it can help with problem solving, be a source of important information
and can even help “reign in” as well as encourage helpful actions.
Check out some of
the following websites and apps for ways to connect to others in your situation
• NAMI (NationalAlliance on Mental Illness) is a good place to start. Every
state has a chapter http://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI where you can
attend support groups, learn about available resources etc. NAMI offers a toll
free helpline M-F 10 am-6 pm Eastern Time-800-950-NAMI (6264).
• NAMI’s AIR
(Anonymous, Inspiring, Relatable) App allows users to anonymously share their stories and receive feedback in the
form of social interactions; access information on how to get help; and
facilitates personal connections with others who share similar situations.
Users are anonymous but not alone.
• Code Blue: Designed for teens with depression or bullying get immediate support.
• PTSD Coach: Developed
by the Department of Veterans Affairs’ National Center for PTSD, intended for
use by veterans, military personnel, and civilians experiencing symptoms of
post-traumatic stress disorder. It provides a self-assessment tool that allows
users to track symptoms over time (though it does not clinically diagnose PTSD)
as well as tools for managing symptoms. Users can also store contacts for
personal support, locate nearby treatment programs, and contact the National
Suicide Prevention Hotline quickly in emergencies.
• Big White Wall: Provides safe,
anonymous support 24/7 to anyone struggling with a range of common behavioral
health issues, or who feels burdened by everyday worries and concerns.
• Operation Reach Out Helps
people who are having suicidal thoughts to reassess their thinking and get
help. Recommended by followers of @unsuicide, who report that this app has helped in
suicidal crises. Developed by the military, but useful to all. Worth a download
even if you’re not suicidal. You never know if you might need it.
•
Prison Talk: The global communications, support and information
nexus for inmates’ family and friends.
• The Mothers of Inmates: A support group for the incarcerated
and their families, particularly those with mental illness.
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