This post is dedicated to two WWII veterans that live in my community and who are some of the best examples of thrivers that I know. One is a doctor, the other a genealogist and historian whose formal schooling ended with eighth grade graduation. I consider them my mentors and friends. I wish them peace, joy and happiness this Memorial Day weekend.
When I first started working in AIDS, it was a terminal illness. However, there were people that were living much longer than others. Research done in 1987 identified eight characteristics of those who lived longer, which became the core of the THRIVE Program:
1. They were realistic and accept their diagnosis and did not take it as a death sentence.
2. They had a fighting spirit and refused to be helpless/hopeless.
3. They changed lifestyles.
4. They were assertive and had the ability to get out of stressful and unproductive
situations.
5. They were tuned into their own psychological and physical needs -- and took take care of them.
6. They were able to talk openly about their illness.
7. They had a sense of personal responsibility for their health, and viewed their
health care provider as a collaborator.
8. They were altruistically involved with other persons with HIV.
The “Centre for Integrated Healing” in British Columbia, Canada developed a list of 10 Common Characteristics of those who have undergone spontaneous healing of advanced, untreatable cancer.
1. In spite of being told that their cancer is incurable, they have a deep belief that their body can heal itself.
2. They take control and assume a recovery program that is unique to them. They reclaim their own responsibility rather than solely relying on experts.
3. They reconnect with spirit, awakening long hidden desires and aspirations. They reconnect with authenticity to their feelings and values and decide to live them.
4. They deepen and bring honesty to their relationship with others.
5. A complete re-assessment of their lives is undertaken. They are willing to change. This often includes diet, lifestyle, career, goals and relationships.
6. Radical changes in diet have been closely associated with spontaneous remission. These changes usually include decreasing processed, refined foods and animal fats and consuming more fruits and vegetables or becoming vegetarian.
7. They take vitamins and supplements to help support their immune system.
8. They slow down. Taking time to relax and fully enjoy the gift of life. Often prayer or meditation becomes a regular practice.
9. They become in tune with their body and 'listen' for cues relating to energy, emotions and body signals that are a part of daily life.
10. They rejoin with social networks and experience the joy of being of service to others. Through their own healing, they help to heal others.
A 12-year study of managers at Illinois Bell Telephone, where a 50% reduction in workforce in the 1980's after deregulation and divestiture of its parent company, AT&T, found that not all managers responded to stress in the same way. Some in fact handled it quite well. The managers who coped the best shared three common attitudes. This mindset, along with physical exercise and support from friends and family, prevented stress-related illnesses in this group. The three characteristics were as follows:
(1) Commitment: Stress hardy individuals are very involved in life, rather than detached and isolated. They have a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives and are committed to being involved with people and situations around them.
(2) Control: People who deal best with stress believe they have some personal control over what happens in their lives. They tend to be active and try to have an influence on what happens to them, rather than being passive and powerless.
(3) Challenge: Those who are stress hardy look at life as a challenge. They believe you can learn from all your experiences, good or bad, and are willing to take calculated risks. http://www.healthfulchanges.com/newsletter042003.htm
These three lists have much in common. Central to all of them is not only the ability to change but also the belief that they could make the change and sustain it. As Charles Darwin wrote, It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent; it is the one that is most adaptable to change.
As I was working on this post, I was e-mailing and talking to two WWII veterans, one of whom is 87 and the other 89. These men have faced any number of horrors, set backs, major loss and a host of struggles, including various illnesses. Yet if you met them, you would think they are much younger than their years. They always have a smile and a laugh. The older of the two has had significant hearing loss as a result of the war, coupled with a speech issue from childhood. When the computer came along, he thought that was a great way to tell his story. However, the internet was his tool to make sure people understood him. All of his e-mails have the same heading, “All is well.” Even though he never attended high school, he has done extensive historical research and has even written an autobiography.
My other friend, who is doctor and a scientist, continues to work as a doctor, but offers his services free to members of our community. He writes some of the most terse and funny e-mails I will receive on any given day.
Both of these men are an integral part of our community. What impresses me most about them is their continual understanding of the need to change and adjust to not only their aging bodies but to the world in which they wish to engage. Regardless of how long they live, they are making each day count for themselves and for those that enter into their orbit.
We do not thrive because we finally accomplish the impossible or overcome tremendous obstacles. We thrive because we mentally remain engaged with our problem long enough to find meaning that helps us accommodate to whatever happens to us. We do not make miracles just by rising to new heights. We live a wonderful life by searching for the miraculous in whatever life has made for us. The Beethoven Factor
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