The second
word of the holiday season I’ve been thinking about is “joy.” [Last week’s post
was Believe-It Effects How we Feel]How
often do we let ourselves totally enjoy it?
Four years ago
on New Year’s Eve, I took a neighbor and friend to their monthly medical
appointment, where they were continuing to be monitored for a return of lung
cancer. It was a very good visit, and as we were leaving the hospital, I said,
“we have much to celebrate tonight.” While she had been happy to report
“everything is fine,” she became a bit sad and said, “It’s fine now, but the
cancer will return.”
Last week I
came across a quote from Brene Brown, which would have been a good response to
this comment. “Don’t squander
joy. We can’t prepare for tragedy and loss. When we turn every opportunity to
feel joy into a test drive for despair, we actually diminish our resilience.
Yes, softening into joy is uncomfortable. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s
vulnerable. But every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give in to
those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope. The joy becomes part
of who we are, and when bad things happen—and they do happen—we are stronger.”
Our brains are
wired to make us fearful, as for centuries, being on guard kept us from being
eaten by the tiger. “Yes, the hunt was successful, but it could attract animals
that could steal the food and/or kill us.” In short, we have been “programmed”
and have a lot of practice at tamping down our joy.
Since emotions
and experiences leave lasting impressions on the brain, which influences how we
feel, it’s important to understand that one negative experience can wreck many
positive ones. Have you been at a party, on vacation or had a visit with a
friend, where 99% of it was fun and very enjoyable, yet one negative thing
happened and that becomes the lasting memory? Now if you’ve talked about this
with friends, some will say, “just let it go and concentrate on the good
stuff.” Good advice, but one we have little practice doing.
“Imprinting” our brain with positive
thoughts and joy, as Brown noted, has some very important benefits including:
- They lower the stress response in the
body.
- Increase resilience and can counter act
the effects of trauma
- Help to protect against depression
- Increase well being
In order to
emphasize the positive through conscious attention, Rick Hanson’s, author of Buddha’s
Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom, outlines Three Simple Steps as part of Seven Facts about the Brain
That Incline the Mind to Joy
1. Help
positive events become positive experiences. You can do this by:
• Paying
attention to the good things in your world, and inside yourself. So often, good events roll by our eyes without us noticing them. You
could set a goal each day to actively look for beauty in your world, or signs
of caring for you by others, or good qualities within yourself, etc.
• Deciding
to let yourself feel pleasure and be happy, rather than feel ascetic or guilty
about enjoying life. In particular, release any resistance for feeling good
about yourself.
You've earned the good times: the meal is set before you, it's already paid
for, and you might as well dig in! You are just being fair, seeing the truth of
things. You are not being vain or arrogant - which distort the truth of things.
• Opening
up to the emotional and sensate aspects of your responses to positive events,
since that is the pathway to experiencing things.
• Sometimes
doing things deliberately to create positive experiences for yourself. For
example, you could take on a challenge, or do something nice for others, or
bring to mind
feelings of compassion and caring, or call up the sense or memory of feeling contented,
peaceful, and happy.
2. Extend
the experience in time and space:
• Keep your
attention on it so it lingers; don't just jump onto something else. Notice any
discomfort with staying with feeling good.
• Let it
fill your body with positive sensations and emotions. (That’s the space part.)
In sum,
savor, relish the positive experience. It's delicious!
3. Sense
that the positive experience is soaking into your brain and body - registering
deeply in emotional memory.
Perhaps
imagine that it's sinking into your chest and back and brainstem. Maybe imagine a
treasure chest in your heart.
Take the
time to do this: 5 or 10 or 20 seconds. Keep relaxing your body and absorbing
the positive experience.
As Hanson
notes, The innate neurological circuitry of your mind poses a very real
challenge: positive stimuli tend to roll through it while negative stimuli get
flagged and captured and deferred to. But you can consciously override those
tendencies in simple and effective ways each day, by focusing on positive
experiences, valuing them, and helping
them sink in.
That’s a
deeply wise and wonderful undertaking: happiness is skillful means. And happily for
happiness, this is aligned with your deepest nature: awake, interested, benign, at
peace, and quietly inclined to joy.
In keeping
with this post, the last one for 2012, I send you best wishes for a joyous New
Year.
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