One of my favorite mentors, as well as friend, died last week, He had celebrated his 99th birthday just two weeks prior, where he invited everyone to his 100th birthday dinner. As his wife, who will be 99 in six months noted, “I think he really believed he’d see his 100th.”
S was a psychiatrist, a WWII vet who went to medical school on the GI Bill, and returned the favor by working with veterans in every war including the Gulf. He was one of the first who focused on what would become known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
In his 90s he became enthralled with the field of quantum physics (QP), which, simply put, explains how everything works at its most basic level. He never missed an opportunity to take a course, talk to someone, read something and, no matter what you were talking to him about, all roads led back to QP.
In addition, he kept up on neuroplasticity and the breakthroughs in neuro science as well. His obsession with QP, I think, was rooted in wanting to know what would happen to his brain, mind and consciousness, that he spent almost a century honing, when he died.
Many scientists either believe or continue to study the possibility that one of the sources of human consciousness is located somewhere outside our universe and beyond the realm of physics as we know it. Basically, the death of the human body is not at all associated with the death of our consciousness. The video below explains what he had come to believe, which helped him have a positive outlook on dying.
Had to put this in as S was an absolute evangelist when it came to QP.
His wife was apt to say, “He’s just full of shit,” as he could drive her (and others) crazy with his QP chatter. I learned a lot of QP from him. It was clear learning and sharing gave him a sense of purpose.
His wife continues to show the same incredible resilience she and S practiced throughout their lives. The last year and a half of being a caregiver has taken its toll, yet one of the first things she did was to rejoin her exercise group. “I need to build my strength up.” She called their mutual friends and family. One of her friends suggested she keep a journal not only to record her feelings during this time, but also to leave a legacy for her family. “I’m focusing on the positive things,” she noted. This doesn’t mean she isn’t grieving and feeling pain at the loss of her husband. However, a long life of learning to deal with challenges, including the death of a child and other major stressors, has prepared her for this situation.
I asked her how she felt being in the house alone at night. No worries. She was in the process of letting out the guest room to a traveling nurse. She doesn’t like cooking-that was her husband’s job. Again, she had discovered different foods and tricks to help with that, to say nothing of the fact that the entire community wants her as a dinner guest.
I left her house this week recharged and with the knowledge that at any age resiliency is the way to a more meaningful and joyful life.
I’ve written a lot about resilience over the years and have included links in Previous Posts below. However, here is a quick summary of practical ways to foster resiliency:
• Have a sense of purpose
• Be confident that you can deal with stress and challenges
• Develop a strong social network (have people you can confide in and count on)
• Be flexible. Accept that change is part of life and thrive.
• Recognize what you can control and let the rest go.
• Take care of the basics: Health diet, exercise, keep medical appointments, medication etc.
• Use problem solving skills to find solutions. Brainstorm possible solutions with someone you trust.
• Actively work on changing things that you have control over.
PREVIOUS POSTS
• Asset Frame for Better Health
• Is Counseling Necessary to Cope with Grief
• You are Not a Victim: Includes the incredible Ted Talk of Lucy Hone on “The Three Secrets of Resiliency.”
• No matter the loss, you can love again
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